Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
