Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
