Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
