yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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