I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
