Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
is it fun? or sober?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
