the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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