Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
