Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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