All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
