and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
