I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
