no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The power of my boobs compel you
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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