It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
