Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
