dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
