and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my shit smells like andre
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
