I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
