Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
