no, he came in my armpit
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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