do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
