a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
