she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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