Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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