Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
