you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
