I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
