do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
