is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
