My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
