I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
