My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize