when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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