if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
