Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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