Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize