I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you had me at cake vodka
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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