It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
