Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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