Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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