At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
