I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
