we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
