I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
is wine microwaveable?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
