Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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