i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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