I CAN MOONWALK!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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