OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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