Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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