If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
