Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
