There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
