even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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