The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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