Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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