Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize