I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
