The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There are leaves in my underwear?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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