i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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