i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
