he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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