So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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