1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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