ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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