so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
