My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
