Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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