We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
