We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
