Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
