How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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