Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize