Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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