i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
