I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
