He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
