im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
