Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
