i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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