Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
